Sometimes it is really insane to drive. Today was awful, trains running late and not even enough time to eat properly before having to go back to it. And there was this irrational anger at the entire world which I don’t think I’ve experienced in my entire life, let alone because of something work-related.
I took my rage out on the tunnels. If passengers managed to get on the train in the few seconds I held in platforms then good for them. If they got off then they were more than nimble. We left late and arrived five minutes early. To be honest the train wasn’t all that fast but I just wanted it to keep moving and not to have to stop at the stations too long. They’ll just put it down to another bad day’s travelling. I don’t care this time.
I imagine surface-dwellers walking around up there, oblivious to what’s going on around them. This flash of fury advancing on them and then hurtling past but because it’s deep underground they don’t notice. If feelings were to manifest as physical there would have been a red hot fireball roaring past, smashing whatever it sees. One of the tunnel dragons on the rampage.
It took two hours for me to get back to approaching normal. I know it was that long because I had to do the entire line to burn off my fury. Usually when I’m driving (or doing anything, really) I’m chilled and happy. I don’t like driving when I’m so out of it. Not fun at all. Sometimes stuff happens and I’ll think about it as the day goes by. I noticed this a long while ago – that people in this job build up small things until they are really huge. I think it’s to do with spending so much time alone, there’s nothing to do but think about whatever just happened and there is nothing of normal life to distract you from feeling angry. Generally I tend to let go of whatever might be bothering me and I’ll try to get in the tunnel zen mode through various means. I like driving in my happy little bubble.