So I’ve been watching Puppycam for the last couple of weeks. It makes fascinating viewing and leads to IM conversations such as: ‘Ayumi is lying on her back…..Ayumi turned over again….Ako bit Autumn….’.

It has also led to the concept of puppymaths. There are definite patterns to puppy behaviour and although I haven’t quite come up with a unifying theory of puppymaths I think there is enough here to work on. First, some basic puppy-counting:

1 puppy = thinking

2 puppies = squabbling

3 puppies = yelps of pain

4 puppies = insufficient data

5 puppies = insufficient data

6 puppies = a squirming mass

1 human = RIOT!!!

When we progress to the area of actual puppy-algebra we find some interesting results:

Whilst 1 puppy + 1 puppy = squabbling strange things happen when additional elements are added viz:

2 puppies + 1 pink toy = 4 puppies fighting

It is, at present, unclear where those extra puppies came from. It may be some sort of matter transference device inherent to the pink toy (Note: this only applies when pink toys are used) or it may be some sort of change in the space-time continuum. Who knows.

More interesting are the sleep patterns. It is never possible to have 6 puppies sleeping at once* but it is perfectly possible (indeed, usual) to have 5 + 1 puppies sleeping. This is occasionally interspersed with 5 puppies sleeping + 1 puppy chewing ears. Again, it is unclear which mechanism causes this peculiarity.

Puppymaths is a very young field and is worthy of further research. Anybody who can provide evidence of further puppy-algebra please do so. Also, if anybody has monitored a larger litter – how does puppy-counting work in higher numbers?

*With the exception of one time when all the boy puppies slept N-S and all the girls slept E-W. This anomaly may have been caused by magnetic forces.